pron.

leisure suit larry, meet 'eve'

my sex in video games story has come a long way since those risqué days of leisure suit larry series in the late 1980’s/early 1990’s. back then i was a plucky <14 year old hearing about it from friends of friends and stealing glances at the cover in sweat-smelling games shops.

i don’t think i ever actually played the series though. by 1994 we had our first modem and were wasting away the hours in my brother’s tiny room asking if there really was a naked picture of deanna troi from star trek available. yes, there was. and we had the upload ratio to have a look. i remember that as my first foray into internet porn. the days of going round to matt’s (can’t remember his surname) and looking at the soiled pages from the daily sport he found in the skip behind his house were over.

soon after naked troi my dad got a slightly faster pc and modem. i would close the door to the office at his house, probably look at playboy.com and chat with girls online. i started to dabble in online sexy chat using the compuserve interface. there weren’t any video games featuring sexy women and  i remember one evening frantically closing down chat windows when my dad sent in my younger step-sister in to see what i was doing (read: catch me looking at playboy). the annoying thing was, i distinctly remember i was getting further with this girl than i had ever before. over the years i’ve wondered what could have been with emerald2000. would she have gone all the way?

it really was that shitty

circa 1996-1998, the sixth form years were spent chasing real girls and i don’t really remember that much internet porn. actually, that’s a lie. those were the glory days of the pamela anderson sex tapes…but no gaming.

by the time of university and grand theft auto: vice city, i was used to having sex with prositutes and then killing them to get my money back – we all were. i didn’t think there was much else that would be allowed: the rocking of the car, stereo sound effects and suggestion seemed bad enough – and the certification board wouldn’t allow anything else for an 18 rated game.

then the sims 2 came out and iamthedemonamon and i would laugh and joke about how once you’d gotten over the initial thrill of designing and micromanaging your dream house, you’d invite every girl in the neighbourhood round and try to have sex with them.

compliment, hug, goose, hug, intimate hug, friendly kiss, make out, etc

it was innocent fun and again, seemed to be at the limits of what would be allowed in gaming.

around the same time, trying to cash in on the success of the sims, media hype about the ‘sex’ and lack of competition, playboy: the mansion came out.

i dl’ed it rather than invite embarrassment at actually walking into a shop and buying it. it was all that it suggested and basicallywas a full game version of what we were doing in the sims anyway.

playboy: the mansion

playboy: the mansion

however the explicity was a temporary thrill and the other boring shit you had to do to complete a ‘mission’ (to get girls) meant i only played it a few times before uninstalling. it made

me feel a little unclean, the schoolboy thrill of the sims was lost.

over the years there have been a ton of ‘adult’ games but they’ve most been shitty card games where you gradually remove bright coloured icons to reveal a topless woman. or strip poker. you can still find these games online and i’m pretty sure that if i looked on the marketplace for my phone apps i could find one charging 99p for the pleasure.

the sims has sold over 100 million copies (including all the expansions). even now the sims 3 expansions place in the top 5 in pc charts. of course people don’t buy it for it’s sexual content, but i guarantee every person who has bought it has tried to make 2 people fuck.

nsfw.

so what’s the point of the post? it’s this demo. i saw it on rock, paper, shotgun and was instantly transported back to playing playboy: the mansion.

then i played it. i have to admire the optimism of the developer, it’s just fucking weird. i mean, even i think this is a little too much. for all intents and purposes, it is a sex sim. you pick the 2 people involved, dress her up (or not) and then they start fucking. you control the camera and there’s a

spooky ‘look at camera’ button where she will do just that. those dead eyes were almost enough for me to uninstall. then i played around with the positions and ‘speed’ to try and get the arousal meter up. it was boring and i felt i’d broken some unknown pact with my conscience by taking part. something was lost that day.

the ‘game’ is based on a micro-transaction model, which as rps notes will make the creators a buttload of cash. but the idea of buying the ‘oral addictions pack‘ (nsfw) which features “a very pleasurable addition! slurping, licking, sucking, jerking, mess making! oh my! – this pack includes: * 5 new oral based animations, 13 sex varieties, and squirting, hot, sticky cum.” makes me feel wrong.

i think i’ll stick with 3d sex: zuma tales of a sexual gladiator thank you very much.

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2 responses to “pron.

  1. iamthedemonamon

    Don’t forget ‘The Princess Has Come Of Age’. As 3D anime-pron goes, the story arc is *phenomenal*.

  2. touché sir.

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