ghetto news.


i gave a witness statement on saturday because of the ongoing nightmare that is the ghetto and i have to take part in a police line up (identify the kid on a laptop apparently). he’s 13 years old and is being an ass all over my estate. he broke his asbo (again) and they’re using my (and my neighbours) statements to get him a harsher [law something].

i [allegedly] gave a false statement to the police.

well, i say gave. it was really a process of nodding and agreeing with whatever the officer was saying. i quite clearly told him at the start of the interview that i didn’t see the guy but a few minutes later he said something like “and then you turned around and saw him, did you recognise him?” so i said yes. to be honest i did very little talking, he pretty much wrote the whole thing down. i do remember mentally marking his writing though, looking for connectives and imperative verbs. the officer was a nice guy and it seemed like we were helping the situation by going along with whatever he wanted us to. i say we, because my neighbour also gave a false statement the previous day, agreeing with the officer out of politeness really.

pc whatever said things like “so when you saw him, how did that make you feel? threatened? fearful of another crime?” etc.

for the purposes of not going to jail i’d like to say, allegedly, hypothetically, in theory and whatever else i need to so it reads like i didn’t actually lie to the police. thanks.

oh, and i have to go to court in a couple of months. i’m going to do it omar style.


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