3 mobile broadband is officially the worst connection i have ever had.

i hate 3 mobile broadband.

i hate 3 mobile broadband.

it’s appalling and i’m about to lose it. how am i posting this if it’s so bad? i haven’t got a fucking clue. but my patience is wearing thin. it took about 3 minutes to load this page, and another 3 to upload that picture. it’s the only tab i have open. i didn’t get close to using up my 15gb limit last month and i won’t break 2gb this month.

the picture says it all. 651 bytes/sec.

there are 1024 bytes in a kilobyte.

there are 1024 kilobytes in a megabyte.

iamthedemonamon’s connection downloads at about 500kb/s, my brother’s at 800kb/s and my mum’s at 1mb/s. virgin media fibre optic lines average at 6mb/s.

so, that’s (approximately) 500,000 bytes, 800,000 bytes, and 1,000,000 bytes and 6,000,000 bytes respectively.

i get 651. and for someone who spends a lot of time online, it makes me fucking angry.

i know i’ve said it before but in 1993/4 we had a 14.4kb modem, that’s 14,400 bytes/s.

i share the pain of other 3 mobile broadband users and if you’re thinking about buying it don’t. i could handwrite an email faster than it takes to load the page. luckily my contract ends in about two months and i’ll post the video of me burning the modem on youtube. then i’ll piss on it and bury it wrapped in my own shit with a little headstone that reads: ‘die you fucking c*nt’.

picture the 3 network as one tube being sat on by a fat 3 ceo using rolled up wads of customers money as a dildo, fucking himself in the ass and then wafting the soiled notes around the heads of the thousands of people wanting to use the tube for some internet. laughing, coughing up bile and then spitting on us, grumbling to his secretary to get more customers, his now free hands used to scratch his arse and cock at the same time, dusting the resulting hair, dandruff and scabs all over us. and we sit. patiently waiting our turn.

having recently watched network, i feel entitled to say: “i’m mad as hell, and i’m not going to take this anymore“.

it’s exhausting getting so pissed off about it so i’m going to take few days off, pack up the rest of my stuff and smile at the thought of my new (now confirmed) fibre optic line.

[compare your speed to mine, even if you don’t listen to it, the podcast is here. remember, my estimate is over 20 hours.]

i’m stuck at the platform and all i see is trains flying past with all my unanswered questions as passengers.

oh, and i forgot to mention – the speed dropped to 20 bytes per second. then disconnected.


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