get the tazers.

he looks remarkably like this. i typed "fat scary child" into image ripper.

its the end of my first full week at the new school and i’ve had a pretty good time. i had my first observation and got a ‘good’ rating, i’ve got to know the kids and they like me and i’m starting to think this place isn’t so bad after all.

well, most of the time. we had a staff meeting on monday night and one of the topics was facebook. turns out that parents have been going on and talking shit about other parents, children in the school and staff. then this morning i was casually walking down from the staff room with my cup o’lemsip (another dose of child germs) and i heard the headteacher remark casually “oh that’s good news” when a fat man-ish woman rolled behind him saying “i didn’t get arrested in the end”. just another day. for you and me. in paradise.


was my first day teaching a proper lesson. i was teaching maths all week and its block c unit two – bar charts etc. monday was tally charts and it went okay, wasn’t great, but wasn’t awful. it was obviously my first lesson in a while and i had forgotten a lot of ‘teacher’ things like getting everyones attention, getting them to “come back to de carpet” etc. the rest of the day i was just working with groups and avoiding the crazy kid.


the crazy cat-girl wasn’t that bad this week. she can be a real bitch, like when another normal kid cries sometimes she’ll laugh in their face. she still cries when she doesn’t get her way but the other kid – jesus he’s plain fucking crazy. i just thank god he’s only eight, because if he were older he’d probably have stabbed me and chewed off my arm by now, still staring with those insomniac eyes. he’s impossible to motivate and if you get him going he just stares at you (he does that all the time anyway, but this time its less scary, a kind of “you’re my best friend and i won’t take my eyes off you” scary, not his normal “i want to sit on you and bite your face” scary face). so in any lesson you get him to do something the minute you stop looking at him he starts playing up. so p.e. was fun. i taught maths again which went better than monday i could see an improvement but still a ways to go.


i was nervous, but wanted to get my observation over with. i had a five page plan for the lesson and sorted all the resources and where the groups were going to work. it was on venn diagrams and the activities were quite good fun. i spent the morning in the library with some children getting new books for them and then in the ict suite helping out. this was when the crazy kid started going mental. he wouldn’t work with his partner so i went over, asked him to let me have the mouse. asked him again. threatened him with a ‘warning’. he smiled. i put my hand on the mouse – bad idea. he wouldn’t let go so i threatened the warning again, he let go then went into a strop. my lesson was next. i was setting up, had all the children on the carpet and was just about to start before my mentor came in. i saw him sitting next to cat-girl and they shouldn’t sit next together for obvious reasons so i asked him to sit back a little bit, he did, and I started taking the lesson. the next thing i know: “aaaaaaaarrrrrhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh”. we practically jumped. the poor children sat next to him went white as a sheet and again he screamed as loud as his made-by-lunchables body would allow. the other children almost started crying and he was carried (by his arms) out of the classroom and taken to the provision. it was good news for me because without him the lesson went quite well. in the feedback session afterwards i had a couple of ‘performance’ points to improve like acting more and being more animated, but again thats ‘teacher’ things i’ve forgotten.


this was a special r.e. day about passover, so every lesson was somehow oriented to passover, moses, plagues etc. it was good fun, the crazies were out of class most of the day so everyone had a good time and it was more relaxed that normal lessons. the children really enjoyed it and we had a seder meal at the end – read: bits of tortilla bread, rocket salad, spinach, vimto, sultanas and prunes.


a mixture. my maths went a bit weird, wasn’t that great in the end due to some wanky resources, too many activities going on at once as a result and the crazies being in the class being disruptive. turned out okay but wasn’t as good as i had hoped. e.g. i made cat-girl cry by asking her to “turn you paper the other way up like everyone else” (ie from landscape to portrait). the teaching assistant wasn’t in all day which was actually a bit of a relief. she’s actually quite mean when i think about it. she shouts a lot at them and just makes them feel bad. i’m the kind of teacher who if a child says they can’t do something, says try, or i bet you can. something positive to motivate them. she isn’t.

next week i’m teaching literacy all week, three topic lessons and a lesson of ict.


3 responses to “teach.

  1. Just passing by.Btw, you website have great content!

  2. Hi James.

    I loved this image in your recent teach post:

    ‘he screamed as loud as his made-by-lunchables body would allow’

    Hope you’re well, Katie

  3. hi katie,

    i was pleased with that one too.

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