Ed the bear meets…

Pegg

Simon Pegg, what a lovely chap, despite wearing a slightly questionable flat cap of this variety -

cap

Although not at such a jaunty angle. Our work is looking really good and everyone seems happy i just wish i’d rememberd to bring jaffa cakes

holy shit. that bitch is crazy.

bring the "payne". hahahahaaahahaaah

eating some chops i came across this on my feeds.

as missy said. “she’s a…”

and i’ll always be attracted to the combination of ‘fail’ and ‘parkour’ (it’s not all gold but there are some gems).

cheers, break.

Times Top 100, how i hate thee

a steeming pile

I knew this was going to annoy me-

times top 100

below is a list of 113 films i’ve seen this past decade which i’ve enjoyed more than Hidden (Cache) and the Bourne Ultimatum/Supremacy:

eternal sunshine of the spotless mind
oldboy
Synecdoche, New York
The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford
there will be blood
amelie
the royal tenanbaums
adaptation
the diving bell and the butterfly
city of god
o brother where art thou?
donnie darko
the man who wasn’t there
a cock and bull story
gladiator
hot fuzz
welcome to colinwood
the 25th hour
man on the moon
little miss sunshine
24 hour party people
before sunset
y tu mama tambien
the fog of war
punch drunk love
dodgeball
code 46
shaun of the dead
no country for old man
the proposition
the mist
iron man
wall-e
zodiac
40 year old virgin
a history of violence
being john malcovich
blow
broken flowers
garden state
human nature
in search of a midnight kiss
intolerable cruelty
kiss kiss bang bang
moon
sexy beast
sideways
the best that my heart skipped
the orphanage
the inside man
american psycho
blood diamond
choke
juno
knocked up
old school
pirates of the carribean, curse of the black pearl
roger dodger
superbad
the prestiege
the wedding crashers
up
Pan’s Labyrinth
spirited away
2 days in paris
big fish
dead mans shoes
hotel rwanda
in the bedroom
into the wild
irreversable
let the right one in
lost in translation
master & commander
me you and everyone we know
russian ark
sin city
starter for 10
the class
the darjeeling limited
a very long engagement
made
away we go
before the devil knows you’re dead
cold mountain
confessions of a dangerous mind
drag me to hell
finding neverland
high fidelity
hunger
i love you man
kill bill
man without a past
memento
michael clayton
once
the bourne identity
the constant gardener
children of men
dave chapelle’s block party
ghost town
half nelson
in good company
jcvd
one hour photo
road trip
the descent
the pledge
the savages
the station agent
the wrestler
wonder boys
the kingdom

the great south run.

nice day for it

it was a good turn out

paula.

you can't do this, you're ruining my life

a couple of weeks ago, for about 45mins, i heard and spied on a life changing argument. my flat is double glazed and even by sitting on the floor looking through the letterbox wasn’t enough, so i had to go out the back door, walk round to my neighbours house and listen to the rest through single glazed. we heard everything.

it seems paula had had a few, there was a child mentioned and it looked like he was breaking her heart. she was crying, screaming, pacing up and down, swinging her arms at him and he either stood impassively keeping his voice relatively quiet or backed away, always with his hands held behind his back.

think, well i can’t actually think of one at the moment, of any great drama/love story and the uncomfortable viewing in a film of the inevitable fight. it was all out in the open, with people walking past and they just kept going back and forth along the street.

i’m sure it’s for the best.

the science teacher i want to be.

cheers, bb.

the id parade.

i know it's obvious. but, fuck you.

thought i should write this while it’s still fresh in my mind and before i drown in school work due for tomorrow.

“i do understand.” & “i cannot identify the suspect.”

“i’m a wizard”

it's mordor. with a d.

maybe it’s because i’m tired. but, lol.

onewordreview

neuromancer

alright.

the devils double

commendable.

cheers, wiki/amazon.

birth of a meme.

there are loads. expect more.

cheers, bb.

couldn’t resist these:

kablamo! oh, excuse me again dear.

not exactly as advertised by the initial title

literary oddities, courtesy of  abebooks’ weird book room.

need something for the weekend? you may be inclined to prefer;

the big book of lesbian horse stories, the thermodynamics of pizza, do-it-yourself coffins for pets and people, the stray shopping carts of eastern north america; a guide to field identification, the waterless toilet: is it right for you?, and last, but certainly not least, the haunted vagina.

cheers, abebooks/ma/amazon

i saw a drug deal.

plastic bag

last night i was standing in the cage (a bit at the back of the flat between my door and a large prison-like gate) having a fag when i saw a smartly dressed man walk toward the car park opposite carring a white plastic bag and get in his car. curious and nosey, i watched him get in and turn on the lights. then nothing. i assumed he was on the phone or something so i went back inside to watch something on iplayer. after shooting stars i had another fag and noticed the same car was there with the lights still on. dude then got out holding the same bag and put it into the bin next to the ticket machine and walked away from the car park. i was suspicious already so thought about going and seeing what he was throwing away – the reality of sifting through a strangers rubbish then struck me. as he was walking away another car with a logo i couldn’t really make out drove into the car park. guy gets out, walks over to the ticket machine. i then hear a shoe sharply turning around on the spot and dude is walking back to the car park. guy then pulls out what i assume are the contents of the bag and turns toward his car. dude and guy’s paths cross for a second and they give each other barely a glance. guy gets in his car and leaves in one direction, dude follows him out, heading in the other.

it was nice to see it play out and i wonder: a) if i have a responsibility to report it b) if it’ll happen again c) if somehow i could get involved in a bribery situation d) was i seen and e) whether or not my knees should expect a visit from a bat. although depending on d) it might enable c) – but if b), i could threaten with a) unless the conditions of c) are met and there is no threat of e).

cheers, platform 21

zomg, lady gaga is shit.

"p-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face (mum mum mum mah) p-p-p-poker face, p-p-poker face (mum mum mum mah)"

after putting all the children’s answers on a spreadsheet, i thought i should learn some 8yr old pop culture.

so i got a copy of ‘the fame’. i’d heard her name kicking about for a few months so assumed there would be at least one track i’d like/understand what the hype is about.

here’s the track listing:

best. amazon tag. ever.

a sort of paint by number.

there’s so much to buy if you have money to burn.

how else would you find:

* vanessa feltz’s book: ‘what are these strawberries doing in my nipples: i need them for the fruit salad’

* a really racist bottle opener

* the squeezeit

*the p-mate

* a really cool romper suit

cheers, charlie.

WHAT ARE THESE STRAWBERRIES DOING ON MY NIPPLES?: I NEED THEM FOR THE FRUIT SALAD!

don’t mess with 4chan.

well, it's definately her face.

“an unknown christian dating site was recently hacked and whoever responsible managed to gain access to a list of email addresses and passwords. it’s likely the file was posted to anonymous message board 4chan and in doing so, some of its frequenters have begun a rampant attack on facebook, e-store profiles, email accounts and other social networks.“

honestly, it’s like a fucking party on /b/ at the moment. i found it on emailsfromcrazypeople and then read an article on thenextweb. by the time i went over to /b/ there were about 200 screenshots of people’s profiles and everytime i refreshed the board, another username and password were posted.

if you don’t know what it is, doug rushkoff wrote a good summing up of 4chan.

cheers, bb.

in the ghetto.

"and his hunger burns, so he starts to roam the streets at night, and he learns how to steal, and he learns how to fight, in the ghetto..."

[updated]

you can make out the toilet paper stuck to the window and the stones on the floor that were thrown at my neighbours flat on thursday night.

twat.

exhibit a

that thing on the left behind the windscreen is my parking permit.

that thing on the right stuck to the windscreen is my parking fine (£50).

parking enforcement officer a80, you are a twat.

i’m appealing.

Stephen!

cornballs

Just met one of my comedy hero’s, we’ve been doing some tests for his new film and when he came in i had to resist the temptation to shout some kind of catchphrase at him or voice my appreciation of quizzlesticks or people place but instead just opted for shaking his hand and having the following exchange-
me: hello Joe
JC: (slightly surprised) Oh hello, have we met before?
me: (apologetic and bumbling) No, no, i’m just a big fan of the podcast and used to love the A&J show

JC: Oh, great, thanks

then after an hour of sitting in a darkened screening room

JC; Nice to meet you, take care
me: cheers, bye now

that’s it, still it broke up the monotony of the normal Monday blues

i’m broke. my feet hurt.

google maps says i did about 8 miles.

i got back an hour ago and they still hurt. plus i have chafing in a sensitive area.

a busy day all round. i was determined to get some curtains so wandered to what i thought was a run down retail park but found myself in portsmouth’s dirt mall instead. couldn’t find the place so walked around looking (and found a butcher – actually i found another one further away, yesterday but i’ll post about that tomorrow) and asked for directions. i was pointed to a little shop selling home furnishings when my phone rang. it was hsbc.

aviary in victoria park.

“an aviary is a large enclosure for confining birds. unlike cages, aviaries allow birds a larger living space where they can fly; hence, aviaries are also sometimes known as flight cages. aviaries often contain plants and shrubbery to simulate a natural environment.”

want to know what they keep in the aviaries in victoria park?

he’s still a better person than jeremy kyle.

i think i saw it on an episode of diagnosis murder.

cheers, drudge/associated press.

i lasted about 15 minutes.

never. going. back.

i finally got the fridge/freezer and washing machine today from the agents. they’re a bit crappy but the giant dark green fridge has a sort of charm at least. after about an hour of cleaning out (including some dead flies) i decided to do my first big shop since moving in.

my model ship.

worth the money

being surrounded by ships i bought a nice little dry dock model for the flat.

or did i?

no.

i’ve just bought photoshop cs4 and it rules. playing around with the functions and looking at some cool tutorials allowed me to knock this out pretty quickly.

cheers, pstuts.

god damn car insurance.

£593 a year

i’ve been making calls about my change of address and yesterday afternoon i spoke to my car insurance people, out of courtesy, to let them know where to send junk mail. the woman on the phone goes off the line and says that because i’ve moved to portsmouth my premium has gone up £19 a month. motherfuckers. so i said, what if i got a cheaper quote? they said they don’t match quotes. so i find one for a hundred quid less and phone them back saying “i’ll cancel my policy to save money, aren’t you going to try and keep me as a customer?” (i’ve been with them 2 years). she said no, they can’t offer any incentive. confused, i said “don’t you want my money?” and she said something about not being able to offer better quote this time of year etc. and i have to pay £25 admin fee to cancel.

unbelievable.

guess the plot from the keywords, win a prize

crust

another great british film.

cheers, collins&herring.