Category Archives: twat

twat.

strike one.

i think kpop is korean pop music. anyway. it sucks to be in new zealand (even more than usual):

this week the new zealand government rushed through its controversial 3 strikes-style law as part of christchurch earthquake emergency legislation. this means that after being ‘suspected’ of sharing copyrighted material online three times, people may be fined and lose their internet access for six months.”

just hours before giving a speech in support of the three-strikes law which is supposed to protect the copyright holders, she (sent that tweet).

lee defended herself by saying that the songs were downloaded legally and paid for. but unfortunately for her that doesn’t mean much. as the national business review points out, when a friend makes a copy of songs that were legally bought, the recipient of the ‘gift’ is still guilty of copyright infringement.

so someone who rushed through (a frankly unimaginable piece of legislation, seriously – have you seen my hard drives?) this law is getting bitten in the ass by it. you twat.

twat.

jacqueline howett.

ugh, this was awful. i read about it on charlie’s diary and could only make it down a few of her comments before a overwhelming sense of shame (and face creasing) forced a tab close.

as he put it:

this is a beautiful example of why authors should not respond to reviews. go read, and read as many of the comments as you can cope with.

twat.

unrelated pic.

i’m not entirely sure how the egyptian government ‘forced’ vodaphone to send out text messages rallying pro-mubarak supporters. but, fuck them.

also, this driver:

seems like a double standard. does it seem like a double standard to you?

torrentfreak has a good article about record companies being forced to pay out $45m in damages for illegally using songs on compilation cds. yep.

over the years the labels have made a habit of using songs from a wide variety of artists for compilation cds without securing the rights. they simply use the recording and make note of it on “pending list” so they can deal with it later. this has been going on since the 1980s and since then the list of unpaid tracks (or copyright infringements) has grown to 300,000 in canada alone…warner music, sony bmg music, emi music and universal music were sued for the illegal use of thousands of tracks and risked paying damages of up to $6 billion. today the news broke that the two parties have agreed upon a settlement, where the record labels are required to pay $45 million to settle the copyright infringement claims.

twat.

anne b. ragde fail. jo ftw.

piracy scares the hell out of me. i do not know what to say. i lose sleep at night over it,” said ragde. “i have figured out that i’ve lost half a million kroner ($72,500) on piracy of my books, maybe more.”

…in response to a question about her habits when it comes to buying or otherwise acquiring copied or counterfeit items, ragde’s anti-piracy halo slipped more than a little.

“pirated handbags? yes, i do buy them,” she said. “i feel that the genuine prada bags have such an inflated price.”

ragde then reportedly went on to list many other items she’s bought legitimately but was kindly assisted with a further confession by her son, jo. if her halo had slipped with the bag admission, it was now set to strangle her.

“you have a pirated mp3 collection,” jo added, helpfully. “we copied the first 1500 songs from one place and 300 from another.”

cheers, torrentfreak.

oh – and you’re thinking of supernanny. she looks like supernanny.

twat.

fucking holograms dude.

whoever decided not to give japan the world cup in 2022. did you hear them say “holograms”?

the bid “involved projecting 3D holograms of the games live onto soccer football fields around the world.

fucking balls. and a mistake i think. the world may need a pick me up (“preach”) and seeing full size holograms in stadiums like some cool future shit is going to brighten up anyones day. and i mean anyone.

cheers, engadget.

twat.

i thought she might have been spacing them out a bit so wanted to see another. nope. watch this. all the way to the powernap. she’s also a massive tard so i’m going to call her a tward.

oh and fearne is also a twat for – “i couldn’t believe what peaches was saying. this was the first time she’d ever publicly admitted to being a follower of the religion of scientology.

from the wiki: “other countries, notably canada, france, germany, greece, belgium  and the united kingdom, refuse to grant scientology religious recognition.

twat.

"the billionaire tyrant"

i fucking love skype. this is bullshit.

“his bskyb is challenging the right of skype, the internet phone service, to register its name as a trademark in europe, claiming that it is too close to its own sky brand.”

twat.

ball-licking tossers

like i said yesterday, i’m moving out of the flat next week so called bt to get my line terminated. because i still have a month left on my contract i knew i’d have to pay something extra. guess how much?

Continue reading

twat.

grand theft auto rothbury - by "journalist" jerry lawton

“we made no attempt to check the accuracy of the story before publication and did not contact rockstar games prior to publishing the story. we also did not question why a best selling and critically acclaimed fictional games series would choose to base one of their most popular games on this horrifying real crime event.”

cheers, rps (pic theirs).

twat.

i have a couple in mind:

gibson-gate of course (nsfw)

and “dr” gillian mckeith.

cheers, bb.

twat.

right there, i have plenty of black ink.

i need to move out of the flat for a few reasons, mainly financial. i have to write a letter to my landlord giving 2 months notice, only a few lines on a page so went to print.

knowing i only really had black ink, thought, well every other fucking printer i’ve used prints as long as it’s got black ink. i selected the black ink option only, made sure everything else was set to ebony and ivory.

would it print? would it fuck.

you see dear reader, epsom printers need also to have cyan when they print only black text which means having to buy another cocking cartridge.

it’s obvious really i should have printed in yellow, but then my magenta was low. perhaps printing in magenta wouldn’t work because i have too much black ink.

fuck you epsom i knew this thing was a piece of shit when i bought it and the layers of dust accumulated over the months are proof i don’t use it.

twat.

in fact my frustration is best shown here:

(if you haven’t seen office space, shame on you)

twat.

double feature.

oh you twat.

it’s hard to say how many things made me wince in her ‘article’.

and

cheers, [forgotten] and dm.

twwwwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaatttttttttttttttttt.

broken window

the seat is covered in broken dreams of youth. and glass.

[updated]

to the motherfucker that smashed my car window last night.

fuck you so much. honestly, from the bottom of my heart, fuck you for making me spend the whole motherfucking day of sunshine sorting this shit out and costing me money i would have rather spent in amsterdam tomorrow. instead, i have to hope that you were stupid enough not to wear gloves so that when the police incident support team arrive, they can lift prints off all those shiny shiny surfaces.

thank you to the member of the public who called in the smash to the police at 9am this morning.

fuck you to the insurance people who gave me 4 different people to repeat information to – a grand total call time of 1hr 11mins.

fuck you to autoglass who might be able to put a perspex window in today if i’m lucky, either by me driving it to them or them coming to me, and then booking me in for a proper replacement next wednesday at the very earliest, between 11 and 3.

however, chris at the police enquiries switchboard was awesome and incredibly helpful. she got excited when i said about the paperwork/book because apparently they can lift really good prints from it.

and i’m undecided about the incident support unit who might be able to come today/tonight or tomorrow morning.

-

turns out that autoglass and the police forensics unit are awesome too.

team work. autoglass on the left, forensics on the right.

it got to about 5pm last night and i saw standing out the back of the flat with a bin liner and masking tape, swearing at the fact the wind was purposely making it impossible to do anything. a few minutes earlier i’d got off the phone with autoglass worried that the police hadn’t called me back and that the autoglass place was closing at 6 – my car window was still smashed and i didn’t really want to leave it overnight. the autoglass help line douche said that i should “secure it” but couldn’t give any more details and that tomorrow morning was the earliest for a replacement. so like a noob in the wind i struggled to attach the bag when an autoglass van rolled up and the driver said something like “you don’t want to do that” – thinking that i’m making rooky binliner-masking tape mistakes i asked what was wrong. he said “because i’m here to replace it”. like an infant at christmas i almost jumped up (my heels left the ground to be honest) and thanked him straight away. a few minutes after making him a coffee and beaming ridiculously another woman turned up saying that she’d been knocking at the door and ringing my phone. she was the forensics officer who totally csi’d the car (didn’t find anything) was was incredibly nice. they were both friendly, reassuring and professional. the autoglass dude stayed chatting (about his time in the army, telling me war stories) until after 7pm. charged me £50 (my excess) and i had to stop myself from tipping him – instead i filled out a glowing customer satisfaction form online. while he was fixing the car another woman turned up, “nicky”, who asked if he could fix her car because exactly the same thing happened to her last night.

about an hour later i was retelling the story to the xbox live party (battlefield dudes) when the police arrived at the door. i let in 2 female pcso’s who asked if i’d seen anything, what was taken and that they’d be stepping up patrols. during the breaks in conversation (as she wrote) all you could hear was the 6 other dudes swearing and laughing about killing each other faintly from the headset. i smiled, conscious of the fact that on this glorious sunshining thursday evening a 30yr old was playing a computer game alone in his flat and his friends were calling each other “cunts” in different english accents.

twat.

these tires won't take a balance

"if i could only turn back the clock and buy 4 new tires"

the mechanic i just spoke to: “uh yeah…we’ve just gone to do your m.o.t. and when we started the emissions test we noticed that the oil filter is leaking everywhere. we can’t do the test until it’s fixed…”

me: “errr, okay – how much is that?”

mechanic: “£45.”

me: “okay, fine i guess”

mechanic: “great, we’ll change it now”.

i could hear the fishing in his voice – hoping that the words oil and filter would give away the fact i know nothing about cars. i’m pretty sure he put his hand over the phone to stifle a laugh when he said they’d fixed the cracked flux capacitor too.

twat.

after watching the full 17min wikileaks iraq video, i was going to post crazyhorse one eight. btw – boingboing has a nice screenshot of all the coverage it’s been getting.

then i read my feeds and came across this lol-making-video-of-fantastic.

“were you there?”

have it on while you’re browsing for other shit – if you don’t cringe, blurt out “what??” or instantly come up with a reasonable and logical argument against what he’s saying, i’ll take 2 weeks off work. oh, wait….(snap).

cheers, dm. it’s also worth watching the other betrand russell video for epic win.

twat.

whoever made this. it’s from 2008, but haven’t seen it before.

can’t put it any better than this:

rthrtylr (3 minutes ago)

“that is the most abominable bum-raping of an original (and excellent) tv show i’ve ever seen. i feel like my sense of humor just threw up.”

cheers, elahti.

twat.

schmidt

google ceo, eric schmidt.

“if you have something that you don’t want anyone to know, maybe you shouldn’t be doing it in the first place.”

“the generous explanation for schmidt’s statement is that he’s revolutionized his thinking since 2005, when he blacklisted cnet for publishing info about him gleaned from google searches, including salary, neighborhood, hobbies and political donations. in that case, the married ceo must not mind all the coverage of his various reputed girlfriends; it’s odd he doesn’t clarify what’s going on with the widely-rumored extramarital dalliances, though.”

cheers, gawker.

twat.

or, twats.

“the review is the biggest independent inquiry into primary education in four decades, based on 28 research surveys, 1,052 written submissions and 250 focus groups. it was undertaken by 14 authors, 66 research consultants and a 20-strong advisory committee at cambridge university, led by professor robin alexander, one of the most experienced educational academics in the country.

last night the review’s conclusions were backed by every education union in england, but rejected by ministers…”

an extra 2 written submissions would have done it.

twat.

damian hirst

damien hirst

great line in the comments:

#18 posted by teddanson, september 5, 2009 4:39 am

as armando iannucci said: i don’t know much about art, but i know what i like – and i’d like to kick damien hirst in the stomach.”

and from ben goldacre:

damien hirst is a giant cock: cock, cockety, cock.

cheers, charliebrooker/boingboing/wiki.

twat.

well done, daily mail

the daily fail

= whoever photoshopped this.

cheers, psd.

twat.

mandy

mandy

cheers, guardian/wiki.

twat.

of course, i was tempted to go with cameron.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=voJF_q9hOh

twat.

he fails again.

he fails again.

“at paddington station in london today, the prime minister said: “this is the future. it is green, it is faster and it’s more reliable. this is about making the railways fit for the 21st century.”"

no. it isn’t.

maglev is the future you twat.

cheers, wiki/guardian

twat.

either, both.

cheers, bb.