some updatin’

realise it’s been a while since a daily update so will catch up on some of the things i’ve bookmarked.

ghetto news.

i gave a witness statement on saturday because of the ongoing nightmare that is the ghetto and i have to take part in a police line up (identify the kid on a laptop apparently). he’s 13 years old and is being an ass all over my estate. he broke his asbo (again) and they’re using my (and my neighbours) statements to get him a harsher [law something].

i [allegedly] gave a false statement to the police.

well, i say gave. it was really a process of nodding and agreeing with whatever the officer was saying. i quite clearly told him at the start of the interview that i didn’t see the guy but a few minutes later he said something like “and then you turned around and saw him, did you recognise him?” so i said yes. to be honest i did very little talking, he pretty much wrote the whole thing down. i do remember mentally marking his writing though, looking for connectives and imperative verbs. the officer was a nice guy and it seemed like we were helping the situation by going along with whatever he wanted us to. i say we, because my neighbour also gave a false statement the previous day, agreeing with the officer out of politeness really.

pc whatever said things like “so when you saw him, how did that make you feel? threatened? fearful of another crime?” etc.

for the purposes of not going to jail i’d like to say, allegedly, hypothetically, in theory and whatever else i need to so it reads like i didn’t actually lie to the police. thanks.

oh, and i have to go to court in a couple of months. i’m going to do it omar style.

sneeeeze.

children are gross

it’s day three of the new school year germ-fest. i’ve blown at least a kg out of whichever nostril is least closed and sneezed a few pints into kleenex, or my t-shirt sleeve (based on proximity).

i won’t post for another few days because as soon as i feel up to doing anything, i have a week’s worth of school work to sort out.

a. choo.

ksod.

i'm sure windows 7 is a lot better

computer problems, what would my life be like without you.

a warm welcome.

to our latest author, edthebear.

expect great things.

it’s coming together.

i'd prefer a stickman.

i think i’m going to like it here. i was a bit annoyed when the closest chinese didn’t make kung po in the proper way, but you can’t have everything.

round the way.

hms warrior and a sea gull

i’m finally moved in. it feels good, but i’m so exhausted it hasn’t quite hit me yet. i only handed my keys back to my old (now considered crappy) landlord a couple of hours ago. there have been some issues about moving out/in, let’s put it that way. but i’m in. i got back from the pool house had a cold burger (another time) and decided i’d go out and sit on one of the benches across the street and take in the sunset. and i’m glad i did. and yes – it took about 40 shots to get this one.

anyway, as i’m new to portsmouth and don’t really know anyone yet – this is to celebrate a new start:

the internet is better here but i’ve got a lot to do/buy (i’m sitting on a box typing this) and will post when i get a chance.

and kudos to iamthedemonamon, who helped with the sweaty move.

cheers, joe.

3 mobile broadband is officially the worst connection i have ever had.

i hate 3 mobile broadband.

it’s appalling and i’m about to lose it. how am i posting this if it’s so bad? i haven’t got a fucking clue. but my patience is wearing thin. it took about 3 minutes to load this page, and another 3 to upload that picture. it’s the only tab i have open. i didn’t get close to using up my 15gb limit last month and i won’t break 2gb this month.

the dump.

i got back from the dump a couple of hours ago and the novelty hasn’t worn off yet. the last time i went to one was probably over fifteen years ago and my brother and i share memories of looking into a big skip whilst dad emptied bin liners full of grass into it. actually i did go to a dump when we had to throw the burning man rubbish away and i took this photo:

it stank.

but it wasn’t the same it didn’t feel like a dump. despite us actually dumping rubbish in it. i think we had to pay too.

with the new flat in mind i want to minimise the amount of things i have to lift and it’s the perfect time to clean. sitting in my bedroom for the last couple of years have been my trusty second ever computer and two monitors. there are also a couple of other things that are broken and in the back of my mind i knew i was going to dump them but hung to the lie that i would fix them, sell them etc.

viewings.

have a couple today, but just wanted to pass on the calibre of agents i’m dealing with. one of them called at 8:40 this morning. cheers.

another one just called and advised the property i was interested in was small. the lounge is 10ft by 10ft. he was slick and had all the patter: “this other one is the best property i’ve seen in a long time” “not sure what you do for a living but i’m sure you’re good at it – i rent properties” “i’m not going to lie to you” “it’s near st.mary’s church (i said i didn’t know)…well it’s a big church where you can repent for all your sins” “this one has just come onto the market, the landlord came into the office yesterday, threw the keys on my desk and said get to work” “the first person who sees it will take it”. before the schpiel, i said that i wanted a place in southsea for less than £500 a month. so he comes back with a place in fratton (the same place i sneered at the other day) for £525 a month.

actually that first one just called back to say that they can’t find the keys so they can’t do a viewing. idiots. i’m waiting to hear back if they can find the keys for anything else.

i’d like to move now. please.

you buy it

i looked at two places this afternoon and neither were any good. a problem might be that i have high standards, am somewhat of a snob and think portsmouth is a toilet. so my nostrils flared a bit and my eyes narrowed when i arrived at a viewing in ‘fratton’ (yesterday) and called the agent to say “i’m not living here”.

this afternoon: the first one was in a fantastic location but a shithole and the wardrobe/dresser had to go in the lounge because the bedroom was too small. the second wasn’t as bad, but as the picture shows, was decorated by a retired, retarded, blind person. it had nice high ceilings at least. and for once the agent wasn’t a complete douche. she wants to do a teaching course so we got chatting and i think she might actually do what i asked her to do (email the landlord, see if he will replace the cooker, put new carpets in and sort out the bathroom. you never know).

i looked at another place on monday and it was money. the best kitchen i’ve seen, wooden floors, nice location etc. but it was the size of money and had a box with a shower in it. apparently called a ’shower room’. and that place had a fibre optic broadband connection so i was really pissed it was too small.

so i come back to my flat, which is a sty with school crap everywhere and clothes strewn like sick across furniture. why is it so messy? because i can’t be bothered to clean if i’m moving out and will have to a big clean before i do.  so i tolerate the smell and myriad of insects now controlling more of the place than i do. the colony of spiders in my food cupboard is a little unnerving.

flu, schmu.

been offline for a few days having suspected swine flu. well, i called nhs direct but there was a load of messages to listen to about what to do and they would probably diagnose me over the phone. so i hung up and went to the chemist. it’s probably just boring flu.

should be back up by the weekend.

cheers, newzar.

[pause]

just for a while until i get a job sorted.

then its all brown and water.

happy anniversary.

a gift.

just realised that today is the one year anniversary of no plan.

this time last year, i was unemployed i think. i checked my palm and i don’t have an entry so i was either working at the pub, or had quit and was looking for another.

it was also about the time i stopped posting photos and probably started thinking i should really get a proper job or career or something. i hadn’t even thought of teaching yet i think.

happy april.

on this day…

welcome.

...lend me your ears/eyes

every so often i check statcounter because i love the data. and the metadata (actually my favourite).

this is the first time i’ve checked and had a visitor from every continent except antarctica. it does count but i haven’t been pushing many antarctica related posts. maybe over the summer holidays i’ll buckle down and win them over.

far more regulars come from western countries but i like it that one person in south africa came, stayed for two minutes, looked at how to open those erotic books (back in pron 13) and had a nice little read yesterday afternoon.

oh, mighty ra.

raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

these past couple of weeks have flown by, my overall busy-ness level/connectivity being at a peak/trough.

the sun is shining, my plants are sunbathing and my internet is working.

praise.

cheers, wiki.

i turned the radiators up to full and broke my heating.

my front yard, 7am.

i just love sitting in a t-shirt.

the photo was monday, today its not bad. looks like someones dusted the yard with powdered sugar.

contemporise, man. (updated)

desktop 2009 2.0

i’ve been tinkering around with objectdockplus this last week and am getting close to total metadata domination.

i’ve added: picasa, digsby, autogk, rainmeter (with hudvision), keepass.

i love being a geek.

oh, and i found out the artwork below was done by chiara bautista (aka milk). she’s very good.

i brushed my teeth with milk.

burn, baby burn.

2009.

first gaza, now this.

i got internet back today and am able to bring you news of my absence.

on saturday night pretty much an hour after thinking how cold it was in iamthedemonamon’s house and how lucky i am to live in my heated wonderland, the boiler broke. at about the same time, it became “b-r-r-r-itain” (i get jokes). i visit my landlord, find out he’s snowboarding for another week and convince myself that people all over the world live like this all the time/we lived like this in england for hundreds of years etc. i can take it. a plumber arrived on monday morning and couldn’t fix it and left me with the impression that my boiler had been designed by an obscure foreign company and that parts were like [metaphor for hard to find].

so waking up in minus eleven weather wearing about three days of clothes the water decides to stop working. i was running late for college (more on that over the weekend), smelt bad enough already and didn’t want to burden the other students with a brand new mouth oriented aroma, so made the teeth/calcium link.

oh, and the hot water bottle i had leaked in the night all over the bed.

i came back today, hadn’t heard from the plumber so thought i could contribute to gas price rises and get some feeling back in my fingers.

so, how’s about you?

ill.

huuurrrgggghhhh

blleerrrrggghh.

thanks to year two for making me redecorate my bedroom floor at about 3am yesterday morning, and for the last 24hrs of shivering, puking, sweating and headaches. could it be because none of them cover their mouths when they cough or sneeze? mind you,  i’m no scientist.

back to bed.

cheers, wadsworth.org/webmd.

be right back

sorry for the lack of posts over the last few days, i’ve had problems connecting but should be able to start posting over the weekend.

smell you later

going t’up north for a few days.

die 3 broadband. die.

this thing is so wank i’m not sure where to start. i should apologise for the lack of posts over the last couple of weeks. this is due to the fact that my ‘broadband’ is a massive pile of shit. the last three days i’ve had zero connection and have already contemplated fire bombing the local three shop. my expectations for connectivity are so low i feel like a father of a dyslexic child at a spelling bee. and its not just me.

this has been my normal day in the last week or so: connect to internet, 5secs later automatically disconnected (regardless of what i’m doing) software then refuses to recognise connected modem, restart computer (repeat). every 5th or so attempt, connect for 1 minute before disconnecting.

i have no idea why its working now, but am glad for the 10kbs speed.

thanks for waiting.

cheers, nasa.