teach.

i made this as an a3 sized poster to print out and stick up in the classroom from their answers.

[updated]

i’m reading through the ‘getting to know you’ booklets i made for my new class at the end of last term. i asked them questions like: favourite food/music/ film/thing in the world, when i grow up i want to be, if i could have a superpower etc. i designed it to get some deeper answers out of seemingly innocent questions. mwah ha ha.

some of the answers are funny. others, not so much.

twat.

the daily fail

= whoever photoshopped this.

cheers, psd.

best. amazon tag. ever.

a sort of paint by number.

there’s so much to buy if you have money to burn.

how else would you find:

* vanessa feltz’s book: ‘what are these strawberries doing in my nipples: i need them for the fruit salad’

* a really racist bottle opener

* the squeezeit

*the p-mate

* a really cool romper suit

cheers, charlie.

WHAT ARE THESE STRAWBERRIES DOING ON MY NIPPLES?: I NEED THEM FOR THE FRUIT SALAD!

listen to this.

you make me touch your hands for stupid reasons

a dramatic reading of a break up letter.

cheers, bb.

gold.

from back in the day, yo.

also, related, and also still gold; remix.

cheers, memory lane/thebackupdvdsimadeon04/06/05

pron

hardcore profits

i was listening to woman’s hour this morning and heard an interview with tim samuels about his new documentay ‘hardcore profits’. part one is showing on bbc2 at 10pm on monday 31st and it sounds interesting. you can listen again for a week on iplayer here.

cheers, bbc.

teach.

der de da, da der duh duh, de duh duh duh da

well, summer is almost over. this weekend is the last weekend before i have to start working and i admit it’ll be nice to get back to school. of course i’ve done nothing in terms of planning but there are a few days left to sort that out.

twat.

mandy

cheers, guardian/wiki.

be interested in this.

too many secrets

“officers raced to the house, ready for an armed standoff with a homicidal suspect. but when they arrived, they found no gunman, no hostages, no blood. danielle and her father were safe and sound at home — alone. they had never heard of john defanno, for good reason: he didn’t exist.”

(as always, click the print button next to share to get the 7 short pages on a single)

cheers, rollingstone.

eat.

the double down sandwich.

“it’s made of two deep fried chicken breasts used as bread for a bacon and cheese sandwich.”

what a time to be alive.

cheers, consumerist/neatorama.

don’t mess with 4chan.

well, it's definately her face.

“an unknown christian dating site was recently hacked and whoever responsible managed to gain access to a list of email addresses and passwords. it’s likely the file was posted to anonymous message board 4chan and in doing so, some of its frequenters have begun a rampant attack on facebook, e-store profiles, email accounts and other social networks.“

honestly, it’s like a fucking party on /b/ at the moment. i found it on emailsfromcrazypeople and then read an article on thenextweb. by the time i went over to /b/ there were about 200 screenshots of people’s profiles and everytime i refreshed the board, another username and password were posted.

if you don’t know what it is, doug rushkoff wrote a good summing up of 4chan.

cheers, bb.

be interested in this.

'les contes du vieux japon' from japanese crepe paper fairytales

bibliodyssey is on it’s 1000th post:

“this selection of entries – in no particular order – covers the gamut: they’ve either been popular, have particularly stunning visuals, come from a good idea, give me a sense of curatorial pride, were randomly pleasurable, or else are representative of themes that have been pursued on bibliodyssey over the years.”

pron.

'cumming at you in 3d'

growing up i used to read a series of ‘choose your own adventure’ type books called ‘fighting fantasy‘. they weren’t great but were different enough to hold my attention.

who’d have thought fifteen years later i’d be looking at a post on fleshbot describing the same, well not exactly the same, idea. instead of turn to page 41 to leave the dungeon, it’s press x to show me your ass. there’s an element of (game) play not unlike the sims: chat, joke, friendly hug, chat, compliment, massage, dirty joke, goose, amorous hug, dirty joke, confess attraction, first kiss, kiss, make out, woo-hoo. or something to that effect, each action leading down a number of possible routes and cumming at you has 50,000 customisable scenarios.

the concept is new at least and it’s not another sitcom parody. plus it’s in 3d – i don’t recall ever watching a 3d porno (which seems strange) and holding onto those commemorative 3d glasses iamthedemonamon and i got when we went to watch spy kids 3d was obviously a good idea.

but 3d squirting? not so much.

cheers, fleshbot.

ksod.

i'm sure windows 7 is a lot better

computer problems, what would my life be like without you.

in the ghetto.

"and his hunger burns, so he starts to roam the streets at night, and he learns how to steal, and he learns how to fight, in the ghetto..."

[updated]

you can make out the toilet paper stuck to the window and the stones on the floor that were thrown at my neighbours flat on thursday night.

twat.

exhibit a

that thing on the left behind the windscreen is my parking permit.

that thing on the right stuck to the windscreen is my parking fine (£50).

parking enforcement officer a80, you are a twat.

i’m appealing.

Stephen!

cornballs

Just met one of my comedy hero’s, we’ve been doing some tests for his new film and when he came in i had to resist the temptation to shout some kind of catchphrase at him or voice my appreciation of quizzlesticks or people place but instead just opted for shaking his hand and having the following exchange-
me: hello Joe
JC: (slightly surprised) Oh hello, have we met before?
me: (apologetic and bumbling) No, no, i’m just a big fan of the podcast and used to love the A&J show

JC: Oh, great, thanks

then after an hour of sitting in a darkened screening room

JC; Nice to meet you, take care
me: cheers, bye now

that’s it, still it broke up the monotony of the normal Monday blues

a warm welcome.

to our latest author, edthebear.

expect great things.

play.

ah, the summer sales.

in an effort to save money i took a load of old games into lamestation to get some store credit and find something to occupy the overcast hours. i should obviously be doing school work, but that’ll happen eventually. still feels like i’ve just moved, plus the school stuff is still all in boxes. excuses etc.

i’m broke. my feet hurt.

google maps says i did about 8 miles.

i got back an hour ago and they still hurt. plus i have chafing in a sensitive area.

a busy day all round. i was determined to get some curtains so wandered to what i thought was a run down retail park but found myself in portsmouth’s dirt mall instead. couldn’t find the place so walked around looking (and found a butcher – actually i found another one further away, yesterday but i’ll post about that tomorrow) and asked for directions. i was pointed to a little shop selling home furnishings when my phone rang. it was hsbc.

listen to this.

“fall of efrafa is a heavy atmospheric post hardcore band influenced by the mythological and political overtones in the book ‘watership down’ by richard adams, it is a concept project, a trilogy of records known collectively as ‘the warren of snares’ – owsla, elil and inlé. the narrative follows an iron age society oppressed by a theocratic rule, dying at the hands of ignorant ideology, their struggle to overcome both physical and mental hardship and to strike out against the ultimate enemy, the encroachment of man.”

i imagine at this point you will have marked, painfully, the inclusion of the ‘concept project’ definition and emitted a heavy, collective sigh, as is wholeheartedly appropriate. ‘concept art’ is, customarily as a rule, a paper-thin facade, administered by someone of questionable talent to fraudulently bestow their (knowingly) lackluster handiwork with a prestige otherwise undeserved. as yahtzee would affirm, it habitually carries with it “the stink of the auteur”. not so with fall of efrafa. everything about the ‘warren of snares’ is to be applauded, not least of all (as any ‘artist’ worth their salt would know) that they finished it at all.   

the trilogy now complete, the band are splitting. “because we have now completed the trilogy, which is cyclical, it would not make any sense to add anything else to this. we always planned to break up after ‘inle’, but we have decided to play a few more shows before we call it quits“.  

you can download the entire trilogy, three-plus albums’ worth of exemplary post-hardcore off the official efrafa website, and for free to boot. the lyrics that form the narrative are also there, with asides and additional (possibly essential) mise-en-scene.

and they fucking own live.

be interested in this

even has fingers

“photos of thousands of soldiers creating giant, patriotic pixelart images of patriotic scenes”

cheers, bb.

aviary in victoria park.

“an aviary is a large enclosure for confining birds. unlike cages, aviaries allow birds a larger living space where they can fly; hence, aviaries are also sometimes known as flight cages. aviaries often contain plants and shrubbery to simulate a natural environment.”

want to know what they keep in the aviaries in victoria park?

he’s still a better person than jeremy kyle.

i think i saw it on an episode of diagnosis murder.

cheers, drudge/associated press.

i lasted about 15 minutes.

never. going. back.

i finally got the fridge/freezer and washing machine today from the agents. they’re a bit crappy but the giant dark green fridge has a sort of charm at least. after about an hour of cleaning out (including some dead flies) i decided to do my first big shop since moving in.