3 mobile broadband is officially the worst connection i have ever had.

i hate 3 mobile broadband.

it’s appalling and i’m about to lose it. how am i posting this if it’s so bad? i haven’t got a fucking clue. but my patience is wearing thin. it took about 3 minutes to load this page, and another 3 to upload that picture. it’s the only tab i have open. i didn’t get close to using up my 15gb limit last month and i won’t break 2gb this month.

“languille!”

this one's being dismantled.

cheers, kottke/guillotine.

twat.

of course, i was tempted to go with cameron.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=voJF_q9hOh

its free right?

mp3 extractor

“listen to your material (e.g. recorded radio shows, live performances, dj sets) through winamp and with the help of mp3extractor, find the portions, parts or tracks of interest, drop markers at the desired start and stop times of these takes and optionally add track information. mp3extractor includes many features for navigating swiftly through even lengthy input files, checking and fine tuning marker positions. when you’re done, mp3extractor will copy the corresponding mp3 frames to new mp3 files properly name and tag these output files and optionally write track information to a database list.”

and also, bit late on this but plenty (43) of enhancements for windows.

cheers, lifehacker/freewaregenius.

isten to your material (e.g. recorded radio shows, live performances, DJ sets) through Nullsoft Winamp and with the help of Mp3Extractor, find the portions, parts or tracks of interest, drop markers at the desired start and stop times of these takes and optionally add track information. Mp3Extractor includes many features for navigating swiftly through even lengthy input files, checking and fine tuning marker positions.
When you’re done, Mp3Extractor will copy the corresponding MP3 frames to new MP3 files properly name and tag these output files and optionally write track information to a database list.

play.

dj hero - premium controller

cheers, game|life.

pron

friends xxx parody

i’m getting sick of these now, the novelty has worn off for american sitcoms. unless they do a fraiser.

what i want to see is some english ones: only fools and horses (rodney and granddad double team raquel) and allo allo (although nazi’s fucking the french resistance might not be considered a parody).

i glanced at wikipedia’s list of sitcoms and there are a few others, but as much as i’d like to see tom bang margo from the good life, it’s a pretty small cast. ditto some mothers do ‘ave ‘em.

oooh betty, etc.

cheers, adultbay (nsfw).

be interested in this.

cheers, bb.

onewordreview

let the right one in

excellent.

network

classic.

watchmen

okay.

cheers, wiki/imdb.

“you look so cool”

and

cheers, tokyomango.

fuck.yeah.

cheers, danger room.

the dump.

i got back from the dump a couple of hours ago and the novelty hasn’t worn off yet. the last time i went to one was probably over fifteen years ago and my brother and i share memories of looking into a big skip whilst dad emptied bin liners full of grass into it. actually i did go to a dump when we had to throw the burning man rubbish away and i took this photo:

it stank.

but it wasn’t the same it didn’t feel like a dump. despite us actually dumping rubbish in it. i think we had to pay too.

with the new flat in mind i want to minimise the amount of things i have to lift and it’s the perfect time to clean. sitting in my bedroom for the last couple of years have been my trusty second ever computer and two monitors. there are also a couple of other things that are broken and in the back of my mind i knew i was going to dump them but hung to the lie that i would fix them, sell them etc.

listen to this.

radiolab

“this hour, radiolab examines stochasticity, which is just a wonderfully slippery and smarty-pants word for randomness.”

it’s very good.

cheers, speechification.

be interested in this.

dubai

good article about the problems faced in the city.

it’s six short pages so instead of flicking through adverts, click ‘print’ (just underneath and to the left of page 1 of 6) and it’ll come up on a single.

cheers, bb/wiki

twat.

he fails again.

“at paddington station in london today, the prime minister said: “this is the future. it is green, it is faster and it’s more reliable. this is about making the railways fit for the 21st century.”"

no. it isn’t.

maglev is the future you twat.

cheers, wiki/guardian

fuck.yeah.

yep. the sea. and that's some famous ship. hms something.

its been an interesting couple of hours. i went to the letting agents and sat waiting for about 10mins because the guy was running late so that put me right off. we got into his car and drove to the place in fratton which wasn’t all bad, but wasn’t great either. the location was pretty wank and it was going for £525 or something. on the way back i asked about other properties and he said he could show me one for £570 and i said i’d have a look. as we were in the car he also mentioned one for way more and i thought i might as well have a look, since i’m here and my other appointment wasn’t for an hour or so. killing time etc.

so the builders were still in there having lunch when we walked in and this place is so fucking money. its massive compared to the others i’ve seen and way bigger than my flat. the open plan kitchen lounge is wizard and its all brand new. sure its unfurnished and i’ll be completely broke living there but i have to admit, its one of the nicest flats i’ve ever been in. “i’ll take it” i said after about 5mins.

when i thought about a flat in portsmouth i wanted somewhere near portsmouth harbour train station and i could – well, perhaps not me, but someone who was good at throwing could throw something at it and probably get it after a couple of tries. its close is my point.

the downside is, apart from the extortionate rent, its not as close to the chinese supermarket as i wanted but its only a mile away. plus no fibre optic.

so i’ll be staying in for the next two years (my contract) and eating boiled rice but i’m really looking forward to it.

viewings.

have a couple today, but just wanted to pass on the calibre of agents i’m dealing with. one of them called at 8:40 this morning. cheers.

another one just called and advised the property i was interested in was small. the lounge is 10ft by 10ft. he was slick and had all the patter: “this other one is the best property i’ve seen in a long time” “not sure what you do for a living but i’m sure you’re good at it – i rent properties” “i’m not going to lie to you” “it’s near st.mary’s church (i said i didn’t know)…well it’s a big church where you can repent for all your sins” “this one has just come onto the market, the landlord came into the office yesterday, threw the keys on my desk and said get to work” “the first person who sees it will take it”. before the schpiel, i said that i wanted a place in southsea for less than £500 a month. so he comes back with a place in fratton (the same place i sneered at the other day) for £525 a month.

actually that first one just called back to say that they can’t find the keys so they can’t do a viewing. idiots. i’m waiting to hear back if they can find the keys for anything else.

gold.

reminds me of:

a popular 4chan meme

pron

i was looking at the stats and noticed that, once again, those erotic books i posted a while back are still being read. caring admin that i am i thought i’d see if i could provide links to more.

i did a search for erotic fiction with a creative commons licence and came across the wikimedia listings. there’s only a few but i wanted to share two very different stories. the first is ‘les liasons dangereuses‘ and is quite tame, i have to say. its only six frames but you can work out the story pretty easily.

liasons dangereuses

the next one is ‘fanny hill‘. i’d never heard of this and am suprised i haven’t because it’s pretty hardcore and was quite the controversy back in 1748. the wikipedia article on the author john cleland is also worth reading – he sounds like a dick. anyway, the frames are graphic to say the least and also a few are confusing because of the dress and the wigs it’s hard to tell who’s banging who.

my favourite is number 4, its classic william.

there’s a bit in the article where he’s accused of being gay because “the passionate descriptions of copulatory acts in fanny hill are written by a man from the point of view of a woman, and the fact that fanny is obsessed by phallic size“. for example:

“…and now, disengag’d from the shirt, i saw, with wonder and surprise, what? not the play-thing of a boy, not the weapon of a man, but a maypole of so enormous a standard, that had proportions been observ’d, it must have belong’d to a young giant. its prodigious size made me shrink again; yet i could not, without pleasure, behold, and even ventur’d to feel, such a length, such a breadth of animated ivory! perfectly well turn’d and fashion’d, the proud stiffness of which distended its skin, whose smooth polish and velvet softness might vie with that of the most delicate of our sex, and whose exquisite whiteness was not a little set off by a sprout of black curling hair round the root, through the jetty sprigs of which the fair skin shew’d as in a fine evening you may have remark’d the clear light ether through the branchwork of distant trees over-topping the summit of a hill: then the broad and blueish-cast incarnate of the head, and blue serpentines of its veins, altogether compos’d the most striking assemblage of figure and colours in nature. in short, it stood an object of terror and delight.“

i’m reminded of mr. garrison’s ‘valley of the penises‘.

“out on the balcony when reginald kissed joanna’s lips her knees went weak. slowly he pulled her top down, exposing her soft, unyielding breasts. just the sight of those breasts made reginald’s penis very hard. his penis was of considerable size and now beads of sweat ran slowly down his penis, making it glisten like a strong swimmer fresh out of the pool. it was a fantastic penis that seemed as strong as a horses leg, but as delicate as a flower wrapped in silk. what a grand, grand, penis. diana’s nipples…

chapter 18.

diana had never slept with another woman before but it was an erotic thought she often fantasised about. and as rebecca’s naked body lay before her, diana couldn’t help but feel aroused. “go on” rebecca said softly “touch me”. diana leaned down slowly and brushed rebecca’s bare stomach with her fingertips. it felt good. like a penis. a soft but sturdy penis that felt warm to the touch. in rebecca’s mind she suddenly felt like she was surrounded by penises, they were all around her, flopping all around and slapping her face. it was as if she were in a redwood forest of penises. they presented themselves tall and mighty around her with-“

cheers, wiki.

listen to this.

i’d like to move now. please.

you buy it

i looked at two places this afternoon and neither were any good. a problem might be that i have high standards, am somewhat of a snob and think portsmouth is a toilet. so my nostrils flared a bit and my eyes narrowed when i arrived at a viewing in ‘fratton’ (yesterday) and called the agent to say “i’m not living here”.

this afternoon: the first one was in a fantastic location but a shithole and the wardrobe/dresser had to go in the lounge because the bedroom was too small. the second wasn’t as bad, but as the picture shows, was decorated by a retired, retarded, blind person. it had nice high ceilings at least. and for once the agent wasn’t a complete douche. she wants to do a teaching course so we got chatting and i think she might actually do what i asked her to do (email the landlord, see if he will replace the cooker, put new carpets in and sort out the bathroom. you never know).

i looked at another place on monday and it was money. the best kitchen i’ve seen, wooden floors, nice location etc. but it was the size of money and had a box with a shower in it. apparently called a ’shower room’. and that place had a fibre optic broadband connection so i was really pissed it was too small.

so i come back to my flat, which is a sty with school crap everywhere and clothes strewn like sick across furniture. why is it so messy? because i can’t be bothered to clean if i’m moving out and will have to a big clean before i do.  so i tolerate the smell and myriad of insects now controlling more of the place than i do. the colony of spiders in my food cupboard is a little unnerving.

my first 419 scam. ish.

[updated] [again]

speaking of moving out, i’ve been looking for places in pomo. i went onto gumtree found a few i was interested in and emailed for more details.

i got this back:

flu, schmu.

been offline for a few days having suspected swine flu. well, i called nhs direct but there was a load of messages to listen to about what to do and they would probably diagnose me over the phone. so i hung up and went to the chemist. it’s probably just boring flu.

should be back up by the weekend.

cheers, newzar.

teach.

i'm done.

i got back around 4pm yesterday, slept for 2 hours. slept in this morning.

yesterday was my last day at school, last day of my course. i’ve got my certificate and i’m finally finished.

i’ll update this with a few highlights in the next few days but atm i’m looking forward to a long coffee and some bacon n’ eggs.

listen to this.

i assumed i had posted this ages ago, but apparently not. if you want to hear a couple of guys that used to write for pc gamer talk about games. its a regular for me, a nice sunday afternoon thing.

fuck.yeah.

superkamiokande

“the sun as you’ve never seen it before: this picture was taken at night! it was taken looking down through the earth! and it was taken not with light but with neutrinos! neutrinos are ghostly subatomic particles produced as a byproduct of the nuclear reactions that that generate sunlight in the heart of the sun . whereas light takes about 30,000 years to work its way from the centre of the sun to the surface, neutrinos take about 2 seconds. eight minutes later they arrive on earth. so neutrinos show us what is happening in the sun now.”

cheers, dr. karl/marcus chown.